a new year.

Hello lovelies, wow it’s been a while. My life currently isn’t allowing for much spare time to sit down with a coffee and write to you all. I feel I’m surprisingly calm at the moment for someone who has a pretty lengthy list of final year deadlines fast approaching. Maybe that’s a side effect of living through the mess that was 2020. I feel essay deadlines are nothing in comparison to living through a global pandemic. As I’ve said many a time on this blog, writing is like therapy for me. So, in what will be a very busy few months, I am vowing to make more effort to sit down for an hour and write to you all.

2021. A big year. It’s the year I will, hopefully, graduate from Durham University. It’s the year where I’ll figure out my next path and find my own feet in the big world. Those of you who know me or, follow me more closely will know that I haven’t physically been back to Durham since third year started. My personal circumstances within Covid-19 meant that the best place for me to be was nearer home, not isolating in my university city. That was a huge decision to make, especially when I’ve had to continue paying rent *cries*. Instead, since October 2020, I’ve been rooming with my boyfriend in his new flat in Manchester. It’s become our little hideaway, our cosy nest that just makes me feel peaceful- bar when he’s playing Call of Duty. I mean the current situation in relation to Covid-19 is still not the best, to put it lightly, so I’m not sure what my final months of University will look like. However, whether I’m physically in the city or sat at the dining room table in Manchester- my only care is that I am able to get my head down with zero distractions and smash it. It’s been a really difficult last two years at University with strikes and the pandemic. Academic expectations haven’t exactly been lowered so to maintain those same standards of work whilst the world seemingly fell apart was tough. It still is tough. So my main priority this year is to just stay focused and just finish this chapter of my life with a grade I am proud of.

I entered 2021 armed with journals, what’s new. My goal this year is to write more. Write more on here, write more for external sources, write more personally in formats such as diaries. I haven’t set huge goals for this year, well actually I suppose graduating and moving into my own home are slightly huge goals. But, I mean in terms of resolutions- i lowered my expectations a little this year. My ultimate aim is to just focus on me. We’re only three days in to 2021 but they’ve been pretty good days thus far. I’ve been reading, journalling, cooking and, just letting myself rest. I just want to be happy this year. I don’t want to overburden myself to the point where I’m just one big ball of stress. I want to take each day as it comes.

I have some dreams. Big dreams I guess. I feel like this is the year to slowly begin making them a reality. Taking more time for me and putting my needs first will be the biggest step I can make towards reaching those dreams. I’m a sucker for trying to please everyone. I attempt to live up to what I perceive are people’s expectations of me. Often that results in me deterring from a path I personally wanted to be on or, comes at the price of me being unhappy/not getting what I want. I think I need to learn how to be selfish during my twenty-first year on earth. I know myself best. I know what works for me, what dreams I have, what I hate, how I feel, what I want. So, I should have the ultimate say on what I choose to do. I think if people don’t agree with that and it has no impact on their life, it’s there problem- not mine.

Goals I wrote down in my journal for the next 365 days were.

– drink more water
– pass your driving test
– graduate from university
– write every single day
– read fifty books
– journal consistently
– cook and bake more
– stay afloat, don’t let stress take over
– find a new hobby: maybe yoga? get back into dance? idk find something
– build a home and start to build your future life

More than anything I just want this year to be happy. 2020 did leave me with some really lovely memories but, it’s hard to not remember the sheer angst, worry, fear, upset and pain that came from that year- i’m sure you’ll feel the same. I just pray that this year is happy. That I can look back on 2021 and think ‘what a year’ for all the positive reasons. I want it to be the year that sets me up for the rest of my twenties.

I do feel optimistic. I feel excited.
I know that with the current circumstances we are in those two emotions seem hard to find when thinking about the year ahead. Sending you all lots of love.

Let me know your thoughts for the year ahead in the comments below, I’d love to hear.

2021…here we go.

All the best,
Al x

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